And she’s so right.
We all desperately want to feel better.
To no longer be haunted by the pain of the past and the patterns we developed as a result (I’m looking at you perfectionism, people pleasing, over working, inability to say no etc).
But we want to get there without having to go through the unavoidable process of healing. Which, is pretty painful.
And the reason we don’t want to go there is because it feels terrifying.
There’s a real (and not unfounded) fear that if you go there, you will get stuck there and never feel good again.
But that’s not what happens.
Well, not when you do it with someone who is able to support you through the process in a safe and contained way.
So what does that actually look like?
Well, first off it looks like getting your body and system to a place where it’s actually robust enough to work through the hard stuff WITHOUT it overwhelming you.
And we do that with resourcing, orienting, containment and gently titrating your experience.
Because once there is sufficient resilience in the system – the process of resolving and healing is actually very natural.
We follow the natural impulses of the body and let the natural course of healing do it’s thing.
And (and this may surprise you) we may never actually talk about the stuff that happened to you (and we might, but it’s not necessary).
Also, sometimes the stuff that created the patterns and challenges you face actually happened before your memories did – in which case, there is nothing to discuss, just the stuff that your body knows to be true (clever our bodies when we bother to pay attention).
And honestly, the only way to deal with stored up, pent up, pushed down emotion is to FEEL it.
Which means experiencing sadness, anger, shame, disappointment, loneliness, humiliation, rage and fear.
Which sounds awful.
And going there is uncomfortable.
But it’s like a good discomfort. Akin to waking up the day after a hard workout and knowing that your muscles are sore because they are getting stronger.
And then a couple of days later feeling better, recovered, stronger and ready to go again.
THIS is the work.
And if you want to feel really good, really you, free of all the stuff that is bogging you down – this is the work you must do.
And the reality of it is why we will never do it on our own.
We cannot get to the depths on our own – our systems just won’t allow it.
So when you decide to go there – you need to go there with someone you trust and can feel safe with.
If that someone might be me – reach out. I can help you!
(If you want a taster of the stuff I mentioned above: resourcing, containment, orienting and starting to create that felt sense of safety that is a necessary first step when doing this work, join my next masterclass on 10th October!