I was asked what I wanted for Christmas by a family member.
I knew to ask for something modest so requested a black mascara.
“I have a brown one spare you can have”
I didn’t want a brown mascara. I wanted a black one.
It might feel like a small point, but it was indicative of the narrative I had about myself.
“You don’t deserve to have nice things that you want. You have to make do.”
And I did for years.
And I made comments like that mean that I wasn’t loved or valued by people who, in my mind, shouldn’t have had a problem spending a tenner on a present I actually wanted.
I created a life where the things I did mattered so I could feel like I did too.
But all the fancy accolades and promotions didn’t alter the fact that deep down, I didn’t accept and love myself. Because I didn’t think I deserved to.
Because the people who should have shown me unconditional love couldn’t.
And so I learned that my worth was based on my achievements, not my existence.
This stuff takes some unwinding.
Learning to spend.
To feel valuable.
To validate yourself instead of needing it from others.
Dare I say it – to buy your own mascara 
But doing so opens up so much.
An understanding that you always deserved unconditional love and it wasn’t anything you did wrong if you didn’t get it.
And it spills over into everything.
How you show up at work (people pleasing and perfectionism fall away when you are no longer trying to prove).
In your relationships. (Them being quiet is no longer seen as a sign they don’t love you).
And how you feel about yourself day in and day out.
Whatever your back story.
You matter.
You deserve it all.
You have nothing to prove.
Many of the people that came before us had challenging lives and that impacted how they treated us.
It doesn’t have to keep impacting how you experience the rest of your life.
If you want my support to create an extraordinary life on your terms, use the links in my website to book a free call with me to explore what that could look like.