Today we are diving into identity.
As a teen I was the overweight one. I hated it. Always the friend, never the girlfriend. Guys I liked would call me and ask for advice about how they could attract my best friends. It hurt.
Sunday nights were spent telling myself Monday would be different – that I would eat less and lose the weight. I never did though. Food choices were poor and a lot of the time I ate in rebellion to being told I wasn’t allowed certain food at home.
Then I went to uni and lost 60 pounds in about 18 months.
But spent years afterwards still identifying as the bigger me.
Scared that one wrong move would see me there again.
Unhappy and obsessed with wanting to be different. Smaller. Accepted. Loved.
Terrified of rejection – that I tried to mask by looking a certain way (I did NOT know this at the time).
What I didn’t see was that even in a smaller body I was still unhappy and obsessive – I just looked ripped instead of being bigger. Still struggling to feel the love and approval I had always craved. Desperate to keep going until I found it.
It was only when I started to love and accept who I am that the relationship with myself really changed.
When I learned how to validate myself – the void lessened. I learned to meet my needs and the fact that others were not able to, became less painful.
Then food (and everything) became something I could enjoy – without attaching my worth to the choices I made.
Now my identity isn’t wrapped up in what I weigh or how I look. I take care of myself because I love myself.
I don’t look like the picture on the left or the picture on the right.
There’s a middle ground.
It’s fun there.
Life is easy (ok life is easier – I don’t think it ever gets to be easy).
But I’m happy.
I used to think all that stuff about “you have to learn to love the body you are in” was a load of crap. But actually it’s true.
You have to love all of who you are in order to feel the way you want.
And that can feel hard in a world full of rules, expectations and standards that are impossible to meet.
When you truly love yourself, you also realise it’s ok to make your own rules.
It doesn’t matter what others think when you have your own back.
Their validation is no longer required to prove your worth.
Because your worth no longer needs to be proved.
And then you see that your worth never needed to be proved. It just is.
And that place feels like freedom. Light and easy.
Can you take a baby step towards loving yourself exactly as you are right now? What might that look like?
p.s. learning to love and accept yourself isn’t always easy – especially if you have spent most of your life feeling less than, not quite up to the mark. I know you are worthy and wonderful and amazing and capable of anything. I have zero doubts about that. If you want my support to help you see the same, book a call with me here (https://calendly.com/llewiscoach/45min) and we can explore what that might look like.
Your life will be so beautiful if you let it.