| Can we talk about that conversation you’ve been avoiding?
I know the thought of it feels uncomfortable. And at this point, you have played it through so many times in your head that you’re convinced it’s going to go horribly wrong, however you approach it. But here’s the thing. All the time you are avoiding the conversation, you are having to contain the stuff you need to work through in your head. It’s adding to your stress levels and taking up mental energy that could be better used elsewhere. Plus, by the time you do have the conversation, you will take all the stuff in your head with you, come across in a way you don’t want, make them defensive and guess what – you pretty much guarantee the outcome you are dreading. When you take negative emotion into a challenging situation, things can escalate quickly and get out of hand. I’m guessing you know this already – because that’s why you don’t want to have the conversation this time round, right? Instead of doing what you always do (avoiding it until you can’t contain it any longer and it all comes out in a blast of ranty emotion), use these 7 steps to prepare instead: a. For them? b. For you?
3. What do you think they are thinking about you and the situation? 4. What do you know (can evidence with hard facts) that they are thinking about the situation? 5. What might they be assuming are your intentions and what you are thinking? 6. How can you make your intentions clear at the outset? 7. Are any of your feelings about the situation, not really about this situation? (Bit of context with 7 as this one is really key. Are you taking what has happened in the past to inform how you have decided this will go? Have you got a history of being in situations where people will not have these conversations with you/ shut you down / don’t allow you to express yourself? (common examples are a parent or teacher who you could never challenge which now makes any kind of conflict or challenge feel impossible or pointless). If you can get yourself into a space where you only take what is really at play into the conversation, you will be primed to have the discussion in a way that expresses what you want to say in the way you want to say it and achieves your intended result without all the crap you are currently imagining is going to happen. Yes, really – try writing down your answers to 1-7 above now and see how differently you feel about having that discussion. You can use this process to prepare for and tackle any conversation, with anyone, at any time and never have a difficult conversation again. And you can then use that time and energy to do the things that enhance your life, not detract from it. Get to it and let me know how you get on! p.s. You will master having difficult conversations inside An Extraordinary Life. Alongside the training video and workbook in the member portal, you can bring specific examples to the weekly coaching calls or private Facebook group so you can really nail the skill before you test it out for real. Join us and make difficult conversations something you never experience again. See you Thursday for our first group coaching call. |
